dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
