my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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