gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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