she smelled like a LAN party
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
