WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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