As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
