Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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