it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
