I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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