a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Houston, we have a blender
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
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