My sheets look like a crime scene.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize