This girl is more easily done than said...
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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