Sry I called you an 8
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
