I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize