i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
