Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
