dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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