My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Found your dick twin last night
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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