those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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