Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
