i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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