my sisters under your porch take her home
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
