forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
