I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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