**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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