found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
