The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
okay pat passed out under dana's car
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
