I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
