I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
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