just survived the first fart of the relationship.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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