he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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