...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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