He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize