Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
no, he came in my armpit
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
