Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
People in love make me want to vomit
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
