she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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