so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
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