i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
