On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
