It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize