You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
