WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
