i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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