did you get engaged???
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
