its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
