Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
