hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
