Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize