I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
