You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
