Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
