He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
