watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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