Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
