Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
