but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
