Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
