There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
