so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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