so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
