I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
