i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
