my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
