not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
