she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
