WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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