i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
