I'm lost and stupid without you.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
