dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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