He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
