Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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