it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
