dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
time to smoke my breakfast
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Randomize
