I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
