I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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