So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize