i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
