pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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