She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
