I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
