she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Randomize