well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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