Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize