so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
