the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
