More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
