your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
