I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
