Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
