He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
She announced her abortion via fbk
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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